Blah Blah Blah

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c'mon, we all know what pleasure it is to badmouth and gossip. oh, the fun of giving "expert" opinions on belinda's sunday dress and fake lashes, picking on wayne's french, nailing chris' lies, convicting rosemary for giving that blink 30 times per minute, questioning jen's entitlement to a 2-hour lunch, calling martin names --- you know what i'm talking about!

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but where does this malicious chatter bring you to? we gotta admit that gossiping is one of the most effective ways of bonding. it is one of the oldest surveillance mechanisms to make sure that we all behave according to the unwritten moral codes of the majority. we play god while we differentiate and isolate the "them" from "us", taking an active role in constructing or deconstructing the image of our preys, suppressing the voices of the victims.

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the next time i wanna pick up the phone at 2 a.m. i will have daisy miller and gatsby in mind, crawl back to bed and pamper myself with some beauty sleep.

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, I Am From Jupiter

i was alerted to the fact that my photographs have become monotonous and for the past year, i've been struggling to think outside the box in search of a new style. but for mysterious reasons the subjects in the images continue to appear willowy.

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and then i got another male opinion tonight concerning my lack of "femininity". he was kind enough to refer me to, yeh, a man. in my world, if you're not feminine, that doesn't automatically transform you into a male species. for many years we have successfully swayed ourselves into believing that we don't have to resemble the traits of marilyn monroe or j.lo to stay a woman.

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it is of course well understood now that you can ace an A+ in your gender studies course but in this particular space called reality, it simply doesn't work. human beings have never evolved much over the centuries -- you can wave a feminist flag with your right hand and simultaneously imprint your left hand on jude law's chest. we are still playing that game of binary opposites.

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so what happens to those with a girl's physique, a girl's mentality, and yet a bloke's demeanor? they turn to photography and tango to study the female form, eventually discovering their desire to be "typical", at least occasionally.

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you see, the torture of illnesses and physical pain can never get away from my head. alone on my "deathbed", i could finally forgive all the women who marry for security. well of course it's an issue of security. it's the animalistic instinct for survival. when you're feeble and ill you would do anything to keep someone by you. trust me, you do not wanna end up with the "security alarm".
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do i have to give up me for survival needs?